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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24657955">A Breathe of Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/achickpeasalad/pseuds/achickpeasalad'>achickpeasalad</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bleach</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adultery, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bedroom Sex, Closeted Character, Clubbing, Drama, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Physical Abuse, Roommates, Secret Relationship, college boys gone wild, poor Renji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:08:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,861</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24657955</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/achickpeasalad/pseuds/achickpeasalad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Tell Shuuhei…' he muttered. "That I hope he has a good morning." "Oi, Kensei!" He turned around. "Say hi to the family for me." </p><p>Rated M for language and...stuff...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Abarai Renji/Hisagi Shuuhei, Hisagi Shuuhei/Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, Hisagi Shuuhei/Muguruma Kensei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Breathe of Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title inspired by Florence and the Machine. Because why not?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I yawned loudly as I staggered into the kitchen, scratching my balls through my sweatpants. I glanced at the wall clock. Half an hour till my History of Native Americans class. I groaned.</p><p>I fucking hated Monday mornings.</p><p>Grabbing the milk carton from the fridge, I turned around to face the counter. And saw a silvery-haired man groggily buttoning up his shirt.</p><p>"Morning, Kensei," I said dryly. He just glanced at me and grunted before moving on to tuck his shirt in. I grabbed the expired cereal from under the sink as he adjusted his tie.</p><p>"Off to work?"</p><p>This time his gaze lingered on me, scowling. I grinned toothily.</p><p>Without another word, he grabbed his briefcase, which he had propped next to the apartment door last night, and slipped on his trench coat. He paused for a moment at the door. I could almost hear him breathing.</p><p>"Tell Shuuhei…' he muttered. "That I hope he has a good morning."</p><p>I just kept munching on my cereal. He opened the door.</p><p>"Oi, Kensei!"</p><p>He turned around.</p><p>"Say hi to the family for me."</p><p>He scowled and slammed the door hard. I hummed in bliss as I took another spoonful of cereal. I didn't really mind being an asshole sometimes. </p><p>Shuuhei shuffled out of his room, hair sticking up on one side and an oversized Sereitei University hoodie over his boxers.</p><p>"Renji?" he muttered, eyes barely open. "That you?"</p><p>"Do you have any other roommates with obnoxious red hair?" I retorted. He snorted.</p><p>"It's you." He glanced around. "Did, uh, did Kensei leave already?"</p><p>I swallowed and took another spoonful. "Yeah."</p><p>"Oh. Um, did he…say anything?"</p><p>I looked him straight in the eye as I chewed away. "Nope."</p>
<hr/><p>"<em>He's WHAT</em><em>?"</em></p><p>"<em>Renji, it's not a big deal-"</em></p><p>"<em>Not a big deal? Shuuhei, I know you've got a thing for older guys but Kensei's MARRIED. And he's got kids! KIDS! Plural! For fuck's sake, did that even register in your head?"</em></p><p>
  <em>"Calm your tits, man. It's just a fling. You know how these closeted married homos are."</em>
</p><p>"<em>No. I don't. And I'm glad. Sounds like a fucking mess." </em></p><p>
  <em>"Look, he just needs to hook up once in a while. And I need a fuck buddy so I don't have to go barhopping every fucking Friday or eat my weight in chocolate. And you won't have to deal with some random stranger walking in the nude around our apartment. Everybody wins!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Whatever, man."</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>"Aw, come on!" I shouted and stormed over to Shuuhei's door to wrench it open. "Dude, could you <em>not </em>do it on the couch and leave fucking jizz behi-!"</p><p>"<em>Ah! Ah! K-Ken-sei! Har-Harder! Har-!"</em></p><p>My jaw dropped. I stood frozen at the door, my glues glued to the blanketed hips pounding into my roommate, who was currently sprawled on the bed and moaning like a cat in heat.</p><p>Kensei turned his head, eyes squinting at the light pouring through the open door. He scowled at me.</p><p>'Do you mind?' he growled.</p><p>My jaw suddenly snapped up and I slammed the door. My heart thumped like crazy against my chest, blood rushing to my ears. I could still hear Shuuhei moaning, albeit muffled. I looked down and groaned.</p><p>I was fucking hard.</p>
<hr/><p>"You know what? I don't care! So just bend over and go fuck yourself!"</p><p>Oh, God, again? Jeez, it's almost midnight, Shuu. Some of us are trying to pull an all-nighter for an exam they didn't bother to study for until the night before. Have some decency and keep your voice down while you argue with your fuck buddy who's old enough to be your father.</p><p>Silence. I sighed. Much better.</p><p>Suddenly, my door banged open, making me knock my energy drink all over my notes.</p><p>"Fuck, Shuuhei!" I swore, trying in vain to save my precious notes.</p><p>"We're going out," he said curtly. I stared at him.</p><p>"Come again?"</p><p>"Out. Now. Like, right now." Shit, he had that weird, crazy look in his eyes.</p><p>"Uh, Shuu? Where we going?"</p><p>"Clubbing."</p>
<hr/><p>"Hey, sugar! You alone?" purred a sultry, purple-haired chick in a skimpy dress.</p><p>"Uh, no! Looking out for a friend!" I yelled over the pulsating trance music. My eyes traveled across the crowd before landing on Shuuhei, who was currently grinding hard against this dude with absurd spiky blue hair and with his tongue down Shuuhei's throat.</p><p>"He seems to be having a good time!" the girl shouted.</p><p>"Yeah…I think…"</p><p>"What?!"</p>
<hr/><p>Shit, my head was spinning. I should not have accepted that shot from that chick. What the hell was in that?</p><p>I stumbled out of my room. Shuuhei was leaning on the kitchen counter, hair in a mess and the biggest smirk on his face. Not surprising. The way he screamed in his room last night meant he must have had a good time with that blue-haired bodybuilder.</p><p>"Why would I be mad?" he scoffed. That's when I noticed he was on the phone. He laughed. A little too enthusiastically in my opinion. "Oh, come on! That was such a stupid thing to get pissed about! Look, let's just forget about-what, now? She's not home, right?"</p><p>My stomach dropped uneasily. I had a feeling I knew who he was talking to. His grin got wider before he shut his phone. He grabbed an apple, shined it on his hoodie and then bit into it in satisfaction. He looked up and saw me.</p><p>"Morning," he said cheerily. "I'm off, kay? Grimm in there is gonna be a while. Just make sure he's out by noon. Thanks, man!"</p><p>He playfully punched my shoulder and walked off, humming merrily.</p>
<hr/><p>"Home sweet home," I sighed in bliss as I opened the apartment door.</p><p>"Bull-fucking-shit, Kensei!"</p><p>"Or not," I muttered.</p><p>"What was that?" Kensei growled. Shuuhei was on the other side of the kitchen counter, glaring so intensely at Kensei I was surprised the old geezer hadn't burst into flames.</p><p>"You're always making excuses whenever I want to see you but whenever <em>you</em> want to fuck, I don't have a choice, do I? How the <em>fuck </em>is that fair?"</p><p>Jeez, yell a little louder, why don't ya, Shuuhei? I don't think our elderly neighbors can hear you.</p><p>Kensei snorted. "I didn't come here to listen to some whiny brat rant about what's fair. I have responsibilities so next time you call me, it better be important."</p><p>Shuuehi turned red. Damn, he was pissed now. He curled his hands into fists.</p><p>"Bet your wife would love to know what those responsibilities are," he spat out bitterly.</p><p>
  <em>KRACK!</em>
</p><p>Shuuhei reeled back from the blow, a shocked look on his face. My jaw hit the ground.</p><p>'Don't you <em>ever</em>," Kensei hissed, fist held tightly at his side. "Bring my family into this, you low, piece of-"</p><p>I saw him raising his hand over Shuuhei again.</p><p>"Oi!" I growled. Both suddenly looked up in my direction. Kensei and I glared at each other, trying to stare the other down. "Touch him again and I'll call the cops. Then we'll see what your wife has to say."</p><p>The guy was way bigger than me. But there was no way in hell I was going to let him hurt Shuuhei. In disgust, Kensei moved away to grab his coat. He shoved me aside as he walked out.</p><p>"Jackass," I muttered. I turned to Shuuhei. "You okay?"</p><p>"'M fine," he mumbled, his voice cracking. Shit, he was shaking, too. "I need some fresh air."</p><p>"I'll go with-"</p><p>"No! Sorry, no. I…I need some time to myself." He stumbled past me, hand still covering one side of his face, like he was ashamed of being hit. He paused at the door. "Thanks, Renji."</p><p>My chest fluttered but I remained cool on the outside. "Any time."</p><p>When he left, I rubbed my face with one hand. My chest felt tight. I let out a frustrated groan.</p><p>"Fuck my life…"</p>
<hr/><p>"Where you off to?" I asked as Shuuhei pulled on a sweater, trying to precariously balance a plate of cold pizza and chips. Nothing says an all-nighter like junk food.</p><p>"Ichigo's. We're getting together for a study session at his place," Shuuhei said casually. I paused. </p><p>"Huh. That's funny."</p><p>"What's funny?"</p><p>"That Ichigo would say that."</p><p>"Why's that?"</p><p>"Well, considering I just talked to him and he told me he was visiting family."</p><p>Silence.</p><p>"Where are you really going, Shuuhei?" I said quietly.</p><p>He licked his lips, hesitant. "Kensei's."</p><p>My chest did a little backflip. "What does he want?"</p><p>"It's…nothing. I'm just going to see him. That's it."</p><p>I winced. I'm sorry, did I miss something? "Shuu, he <em>hit</em> you."</p><p>"Renji, I don't need a lecture right now."</p><p>"I don't think you get it, Shuuhei. You're not his fuck buddy. You're his punching bag. And it's going to get a helluva lot worse if you don't stop <em>right now</em>.'</p><p>Calm me a saint but even I didn't know why I was doing that. Lecturing Shuuhei, I mean. Seriously, it was none of my fucking business who he banged. But damn it why did it fucking hurt to see him with someone else? It pissed me off, especially if he couldn't see he was being <em>used </em>in the worst possible way. Kensei didn't care about Shuuhei. I just wanted to see him suffer the same way he was making Shuuhei suffer.</p><p>Shuuhei groaned and rubbed a hand across his face. "I don't need this, Renji. I've already got enough on my plate. Now if you don't mind, I'm off."</p><p>Funny how it took me less time to reach Shuuhei and grab his wrist than for him to open the front door.</p><p>He stared at me in surprise. "Renji, let go."</p><p>"Why? So I can have a free hand to call the ambulance when you come back?"</p><p>"Fuck, Renji, that was only once!"</p><p>"That's more than enough! Seriously, Shuuhei, <em>don't go</em>."</p><p>"Why? Is it because you hate him? You hate him, isn't it? Just say it! I can't believe you're being such a kid! Grow the fuck up! It's my life and I can do whatever the hell I want!"</p><p>You know what's the ultimate insult? When you try to help someone but they tell you your feelings mean shit. That's what Shuuhei was doing. I was so sick of this. I felt an alien coldness flood my chest and I tightened my grip on Shuuhei's wrist. He winced.</p><p>"You want me to say it?" I growled, pressing in uncomfortably close to him. He tried to shift away but I had him trapped against the door. "Fine. Yeah, I hate him. And I have a reason to. You, on the other hand, have no reason to like him except for the fact he fucks you pretty good by the looks of it."</p><p>Shuuhei turned a deep crimson. He glared him at me. "Shut up, Renji."</p><p>"But it's true? Why else would you stay with him? It's all about the sex for you, isn't it? It's why you've had so many fuck buddies. Kaien. Stark. Ichigo. Bet you fucked Ichigo. I wouldn't put it past you."</p><p>"You're going too far, Renji." He tried to shove me off but I refused to budge. I wasn't done.</p><p>"Kinda makes me lonely. When's my turn, huh, Shuu? When do I get a taste?" He tried to look away, disgusted, but I forced him to look back at me, digging my nails into his jaws. </p><p>Suddenly, a fist collided with the side of my face and sent me reeling. I saw stars. Shit, I didn't know Shuuhei could punch that hard. I looked up, despite my throbbing cheek and was shocked to see a few stray tears streaking his face. All of a sudden, a heavy weight settled in my stomach and I felt embarrassed for everything I had just blurted out.</p><p>"I know I'm gay," he breathed. "And yeah sure I love having sex. But there's more to me than that, Renji. I'm just…I'm fucking <em>trying here</em>..."</p><p>He wheeled around and opened the door. I saw his hand shaking on the doorknob. "Kensei told me he loves me. And that he'd leave his wife and kids for me." He inhaled sharply. "Goodbye, Renji."</p><p>He closed the door softly.</p>
<hr/><p>"You are a fucking bastard of the nth degree," I muttered. "And possibly mental since you're looking at a blank TV screen and talking to yourself."</p><p>After Shuuhei left, needless to say I went on a rampage and broke just about everything I possibly could in my room. Can't say I was going to miss my ceramic baboon-shaped coin collector. Now I was sitting on the couch with the slightly warmish pizza and staring at myself. It was already one in the morning and I still hadn't studied a lick of anything. My exam was in exactly 12 hours, I had humiliated my roommate who I was possibly developing feelings for and now he was running into the sunset with his abusive, granddaddy of a lover. That was exactly why I was collecting paying college tuition and collecting student debt.</p><p>I sighed, and stared up at the ceiling. "There's no way I'm going to be able to fix this."</p><p>"Damn straight." I suddenly sat up and gaped at Shuuhei. His eyes were also fixed on the ceiling. "Plaster's already weak so we're going to have to call in maintenance."</p><p>He plopped down on the couch next to me and stretched. "Hey! Cold pizza! Awesome!" He grabbed a slice and began chowing down. "Renji, close your mouth before a fly mistakes it for a potential home."</p><p>I did. Though I still stared at him. He finished his slice and then stared at his empty hands as we sat in silence for a bit.</p><p>"He's hit me before," Shuuhei said quietly. He was clutching his hands tightly now. "He'd get crazy angry whenever I mentioned his wife. Like I was some filthy human being who didn't deserve to say her name." His shoulders hunched forward and for the first time, I saw how fragile he was. I reached out to place a comforting hand on his arm. "Kensei raped me."</p><p>My hand froze in midair. I think I forgot how to breathe.</p><p>"I went over one day and told him I was planning to leave him," Shuuhei continued. I could hear the tremor in his voice. "And he just…he went…" he swallowed, forcing himself to keep talking. "The <em>look </em>in his eyes when he pushed me down…even when I said no…I was so fucking scared…"</p><p>I finally placed my hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me with desperate eyes. Then the tears poured. He didn't bawl or howl or break down. He just sat there, staring me, tears streaming down his face.</p><p>"You don't have to do this alone, Shuuhei," I said gently. "We'll get that bastard. Call the cops. Call his wife. Anything. I swear to you I'm never going to let him touch you again."</p><p>He gave me a watery smile. "You won't have to worry about that. When I went over today, I told him I was done with him. And that if he even took a step near me I was going to call the cops. He couldn't hurt me because his wife was in the house. We're done. For good this time." He sighed shakily. "It's over…"</p><p>My chest fluttered again and clutched the front of my shirt. Seriously, <em>now</em>?</p><p>After a minute, Shuuhei looked at me, his eyes red from the tears. "Y'know, I'm wondering when you're planning to hold my hand," he remarked nonchalantly.</p><p>I blinked. Huh?</p><p>"What? You wanted me to leave Kensei just so we could be friends again? Seriously, Renji?" Shuuhei sighed dramatically and closed his eyes again. "You clearly don't know how to woo a man."</p><p>I rolled my eyes. My palms started to sweat as I eyed Shuuhei's hand. Nervously, I inched closer. Our pinkies touched and I felt a pleasant shock shoot up my spine. Feeling bolder, I completely enclosed his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. They fit so perfectly and I marveled at how light and thin his were. He squeezed my hand.</p><p>"Thanks, Renji. For everything," he murmured. Then he laughed. "I sound like that makes up for it but it doesn't. Shit, how do I put this?" He turned to face me, eyes bright. "I've done some pretty stupid things, this by far being the stupidest. I'm supposed to be a fucking mess right now but I'm not. 'Cause no matter what, you were always there to knock some sense into me and it took me this bloody long to realize it. Renji…" he threw his free arm out dramatically. "You're always a breathe of fresh air. Like a breathe of life. You make me feel like I can do anything."</p><p>I sucked at words. Couldn't give a speech if my life depended on it. So I did the next best thing. I kissed him. And by the way he smiled, I knew I had done the right thing.</p><p>Though he did say my kissing needed work.</p>
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